The more I learn, the more irritated I become with what I see all around me. Disrespect, abusive behavior towards both people and animals, intolerance, hatred, anger, prejudice, racism, narrow-mindedness, self-centered, arrogant, egotistical and narcissism, just to name a few.
The more I learn, the more I notice all those ugly behaviors. The people around me haven’t changed, I have. It never bothered me before and I didn’t notice because I too was self-centered. Now I am aware of it and my heart breaks everyday because I don’t understand how people can act like this.
It’s real easy for me to become judgmental and self-righteous now if I forget where I came from. I was a very ugly person before Jesus came knocking at my heart and believe me when I say, I heard him knocking several times before I invited him in. I still have a very long road ahead of me, but I know I’m on the right path now.
With all the ugliness around me, I feel the urge to isolate, but I know that discovering who God is cannot be achieved in total isolation from other Christians. Separation and division are two of the many weapons that satan uses on us, therefore when my own nature and society cause me to drift away from God, it’s those beneficial relationships that give me greater confidence and faith to get back to God.
The more I learn, the more knowledge I crave and desire to spend time with God’s word. This is what my bible looks like. This is also the reason why I don’t do Bible apps – I must highlight, and I must write notes. I need to do this because it helps me understand and remember and absorb – the Holy Spirit is there helping me to comprehend and see exactly what He needs me to hear at just the right time, and then I take notes and highlight so that I remember. Very simple process, but very effective for me.
In the beginning I thought marking up God’s word might be wrong in some way. I mean we take great care when handling the bible and where we set it down. We don’t use it as a coaster or a booster seat and we certainly don’t toss it down like yesterday’s newspaper, so marking it up just felt weird at first. And then I saw this photo/quote about a marked up Bible and it made everything all better again in Kim’s world.
So where am I going with the post? I thought I knew, I sat down all fired up and started typing like a crazy person all revved up on caffeine. The post took on the appearance of a discouraged and frustrated christian who has seen too much of this broken world and it became one huge disorganized rant. Although, it did feel good to get that out, this is just not the place to do that. Besides, I’d much rather spend all that energy doing something positive than focus on the negativity and adversity in my life. When I’m focusing on the ugliness, I’m not focusing on the Lord and that is just wrong.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand God’s purpose for adversity. In the midst of tragedy, the Lord’s sovereignty seems like impractical and unrealistic theology to me. But the truth is, God works all things together for the believer’s good (Rom. 8:28). 28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” I need to write that verse on several post-it notes and put them all over my house so that I’m reminded hourly! Perhaps a few at work would also be beneficial.
The bottom line is – I need to make more time for God. Instead of developing anxiety and restless nights worrying about all the ugliness and turmoil going on around me, I should be spending quality time each day getting into the Bible.
“The Word can’t get into me, if I don’t get into it”